I've been thinking about forgiveness lately, mostly because I will be doing a workshop this Sunday in Davis on the subject.  If you are in the area I would love to see you!  Here is the information for that workshop.

While forgiveness is not specifically mentioned in the textbook of AA, I've discovered that it is a huge and important benefit to doing an inventory.  And forgiveness is one of the most powerful spiritual practices we can do.  It frees us up to live life freely, without the limits we place on our lives because we've not forgiven others or ourselves.

Forgiveness is actually fairly easy to get to, if you are willing and open to the process.  And the process I speak of is the 4th step.

If you go to meetings, you will likely hear people speak of the 4th step with dread.  I never had that experience.  I wanted recovery more than I wanted anything else.  They promised me two things:  one was that I would likely never recover unless I did this step, and the other was that once I did it I would feel free and wonderful.  I never gave the first promise a chance, but the second one came true.

I happen to think the working of the original 4th step might contribute to some of the resistance behind it.  It says,  "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

Well, I don't know about you but I don't understand that step as it is worded.  NOW I know what searching is, and NOW I know what fearless is, but then I sure didn't.  And moral?  Don't get me started.  My  morals are not likely to match yours.  And we should never base our morals on someone else's idea of what they should be.  This is part of what "to thine own self be true" means.  Some of the other words used are not helpful either.

I do not believe in shame based recovery, and I refuse to call myself wrong, or a liar, or label the things I do as character defects, as if my behavior is part of my being.   In New Thought we teach that the original meaning of the word sin is that we made a mistake.  Sin, in the original language in which the bible was written, Aramaic, is an archery term for missing the target.  So we make mistakes, in the same way the archers of old missed their targets.  The purpose of the inventory is to discover a bit about how and why we make the same mistakes over and over again, so we don't do that anymore.  I bet the archers, when they missed their targets, did not shame themselves, I bet they simply got another arrow out, readjusted a bit, maybe examined the direction and speed of the wind, and tried again.  Well, that's what we do in the inventory process:  we examine some of the things that happened that allowed for us to make the mistakes we made, and we readjust.

The inventory process opens us up to a new way of being and behaving.  When viewed this way, in a more positive light, this process is a positive and life changing one, one that has the power to truly allow us to fully participate in life as recovered people.

I've reworded the 4th step:  Made a series of lists designed to allow us to get to know the most important person in our lives:  Self.

Once you have completed the 4th step and shared what you discovered with someone else, I think you will find forgiveness comes almost automatically.

My book goes into much more detail in chapter 4.  You can purchase your copy at Amazon.  Or, if you are in the Davis, California area this Sunday November 1, come visit and take the workshop and I will sell you a book!