Tag Archives: new thought

If you are anything like me, you have at least one person on your gift giving list that is difficult to buy for.  And....if you are anything like me, you know lots of 12 step people, and lots of New Thought people, maybe even a bunch who are both!  If so, I'd like to suggest a copy of my book as a gift idea.  It's affordable and presents a new way of looking at the steps that even non-12 step people love!

Order yours today on Amazon:

Or through Balboa Press:

I hope you have the most wonderful holiday season ever!

Register here!

The phrase "expectations are premeditated resentments" is very popular in 12 step circles, and just about anyone I've ever spoken to who is a member of a 12 step program believes this statement to be true.  In fact, they think it makes life easier to believe that they should not have expectations.

But in New Thought, the teaching is a bit different.  In New Thought we are taught that not only should we expect good in our lives, but we deserve it!

So which is it?

Join me for an exploratory journey to find out.

Do you believe that expectations are premeditated resentments?  I posted this question on Facebook and you would not believe the responses I received!  Obviously this is a hot topic!

So much so that I've created a workshop around it!  You should attend this workshop:

  • If you believe in the statement
  • If you believe in it but feel as if there may be some built in limitations there
  • If you don't believe in the statement
  • If you want to explore some other ways to think about things than what is "normal" for you.

The timing of this workshop is not an accident.  I purposely scheduled it for just before the holiday season because I know there are many people who tend to have some expectations about the holidays, and I know that sometimes those expectations are not met.

Plus, this workshop has a bonus:  two ways to restore or create some sacredness into your holiday season...we will explore gratitude and rebirth within us during the last portion of this workshop.

Three hours, $25....that's the commitment I am asking of you.  In return, you will get knowledge and skills that will last you a lifetime.  And you won't even have to leave the comfort of your home to attend!  Register and I will email you the link to attend the class via Zoom.  Zoom is very much like Sype, only a bit easier to use.

I hope to see you there!

Register here!

I was speaking with a mentor the other day about the phrase "Let Go and Let God."

I confessed to her that I had absolutely no idea how to do that but I knew what the results were when I was able to do it;  peace, absence of resentment, forgiveness, no more attempts to control.

Sounds nice right?  But how do we get there?  Especially if, like me, you are a New Thought person and have a god which is more inward directed than outward.  In other words, it isn't a god somewhere out there in the sky, but more of a "great reality deep within" kind of god.  How do you let something do something when it is a part of you?  How do you separate the action from the consciousness?

For me, this particular resentment stemmed from my own attempts to control.

Doing a 10th step definitely helped me, and following up with sharing my results with my mentor helped more.

In my book I talk about steps 6 and 7 as a process of enlarging my connection with spirit, replacing that which does not serve with something new, and asking for help.

For this particular resentment I knew that I needed to quit judging and love them unconditionally.  I began to do that and immediately began to feel better.  I also knew that I needed to keep the boundaries I had set......as I do not feel safe around the person on my resentment list, and I am continuing to do that.

Somehow, the combination of unconditional love, no judgement and taking care of my own needs so that I feel safe has resulted in that feeling of peace that I so wanted in this situation.  To me...that is letting go and letting god.

What is your experience of this phrase?


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Copyrighted photograph by Image Angels Photography Services

I've been thinking.

Sometimes that gets me into trouble, but sometimes....it is highly productive.

Lately I've been thinking about how life sometimes just kicks us in the ass over and over again.  Those of us who have a strong foundation of the steps under our belt can usually handle such beatings with relative ease.  After all, look at where we have been, and we survived that didn't we?

But have we really handled it?  Have we really moved on?  And what is UP with the repeated beatings anyway?  This is not some sort of "the beatings will continue until morale improves" situation! Or is it?  From a New Thought perspective, the overall trend of our thinking tends to create what happens in our lives.  So....if we have had a lifetime of drama and trauma, even if we have a good foundation in recovery, what is to stop that tendency from continuing to happen?

Turns out there is a lot.  The appendix at the back of the AA text defines a spiritual awakening as a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery.  To me, that suggests that such a personality change is possible.  Inevitable if we do the work.

In New Thought we like to say that we change our thinking to change our lives, and Ernest Holmes puts it like this:  "Man’s experience is the logical outcome of his inner vision; his horizon is limited to the confines of his own consciousness. Wherever this consciousness lacks a true perspective, its outward expression will lack proper harmony. This is why we are taught to be transformed by the renewing of our minds."

And there have, and continue to be, many scientific studies that say that our brain chemistry changes because of all that early trauma and drama, but that there are things we can do to change it.

I don't know about you, but when science and spirituality both say that we can effect deep and lasting change within ourselves to live happier lives, I believe it.  And I believe that such deep and lasting change means we are no longer subject to the regular beatings, because something within us has declared, "I am done with that kind of life."  It reminds me of a tiny little awakening I once had, when I was a kid.  Someone told me that my mother was a strong woman, she could handle this.  "This" being the latest dramatic trauma.  And I remember thinking, "I do not want to grow up to be strong like that.  I don't want to be known as the person who can handle that kind of stuff."  Today, I think we can be strong...and not attract that kind of stuff into our lives, simply by doing the inner work necessary to effect deep and lasting change within us.

Then there is good old fashioned faith.  I was chatting with a person recently who was lamenting that her daughter was a tweaker (addicted to methanthetamine) and she was worried because she thought no one could ever come back from that.  She said she took a lot of comfort when speaking with another person who said, "I was a tweaker, and I came back."  This is faith.  When we haven't had the experience, but others have.  We can draw on their faith.

So, faith, inner work, action, repeat.  This is how we change our lives for the better.

Every faith and spiritual tradition I know of advocates some sort of introspection.

In 12 steps, the inventory process tells us to go within and examine our thoughts and actions and attitudes.  This is not so we can shame and blame ourselves.  It is so we can set things right...make amends by changing those thoughts and actions.

In New Thought, we are told to change our thinking to change our life.  The Law says that all manifestation begins in thoughts and beliefs, so if we wish to change our life, the place to go is within. Again, we need to have an awareness of what is and isn't working in order to change it.

Lately I've been studying a book by the Dalai Lama called "Ethics for a New Millennium."  In it, he says that spirituality is about going within and finding and developing traits such as compassion, tolerance and unconditional love.

I'm also reading a book called "Creative Confidence: Unleashing the Creative Potential within us All."  That's where I got the quote for the meme.  The authors, David and Tom Kelley, say that unexamined failures limit us.

I love it when I keep getting the same message everywhere I turn!  I believe introspection to be one of the most powerful spiritual practices we can do, and yet, so many people either cannot or will not take advantage of it.

If you don't have a regular introspection practice, why not?


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"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."  AA textbook

"Never limit your view of life by any past experience." Ernest Holmes

Statements such as these teach us that we should not base our current lives on what happened in the past.

It is tempting, I know, to look at something that happened in the past and tell ourselves that we will never do THAT again, because look what happened!

If we do so, we limit our future.

What if instead we looked at the events of the past as stepping stones to our next greatest and highest good?

All those shitty things that happened are not something to be ashamed of.  Shame and guilt only keeps us in the problem.  Fear and attempts to prevent it from happening again only keep us in the problem.

Instead, try to view it from a different perspective.  If we look at those things as necessary for our greatest good, then we can thank them, do our grief and forgiveness work, and move on.  This is why this particular promise is stated after completion of the 10th step in the textbook.  There is work to be done before we can stop blaming ourselves for past events.

In New Thought, we are taught that God is everywhere present, all good, all the time.  This means not that we should put our heads in the sand and declare that all that bad stuff was really good.  It means that we take a look at it and glean the nuggets of wisdom from them; therein lies the good.

So...we take a good look at our past, without shame and blame and condemnation, and use it to move into our greatest good.

How has your past served you?  I would love to hear your thoughts.


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I get asked all the time:  what is God's will for me?

Indeed...this can be one of the most difficult questions to successfully answer, at least in the beginning of recovery.

On the surface, it would seem, from the traditional language, that we are asking to know the will of something outside of ourselves.  Something we can't understand, can't define and really have no clue about.  And yet, this Something, we are told, is what guides and shapes our lives.  If we let it.

It can all be very confusing.

I know for me, in the beginning of my recovery, I looked at the language:  "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understood him, praying only for the knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry it out."   I looked at that and thought, "my god is not a him, and he isn't separate from me, and I've learned that I can pray for all sorts of stuff besides just will and power."  And I took it a step further, "I'm NEVER going to be able to stay sober!"  I did not have a traditional christian upbringing.  I was brought up being taught New Thought principles:  that god was within me, it was everywhere present.  I had just hidden it's presence by the use of drugs and alcohol.

Luckily, I had a sponsor who reassured me.  She asked me what I was doing every day.  I said, "I go to meetings, I call you, I'm working the steps, I read that daily meditation book."  She said, "honey, you are going to be just fine.  Don't worry about the language."

She was so wise!  What she told me, and what I heard over and over again, was that my understanding of the principles wasn't as important as my actions:  I needed to simply do the work.  And so I did.

Fast forward to now, 30 years into this deal I have a pretty deep understanding of the principles.  Today I know that my understanding of god is still not based in the traditional language.  Today I know that back then, they  had no other way to talk about spirituality other than traditional religion.  Today I am grateful for New Thought, that takes the traditional language and translates it into something I can understand, that bears the weight of deep spiritual truth.  Today, I know that through the process of introspection (steps 4 and 5), setting things right, communication and knowing my truth (steps 8 and 9), and prayer and meditation (steps 11), I KNOW god's will for me, because I can feel it.  God's will feels right, even if there is sometimes grief (for letting go of what no longer serves) involved.  Not doing god's will feels forced, like a battle, and sometimes manifests as a feeling of having a basketball in my stomach.

Would I ask someone new to recovery to automatically know that god's will is within them?  No.  Remember that the original textbook of AA was written for newcomers.  People who have been under the influence of a substance have no clue how to do an accurate introspection of themselves.  They rightly do not trust themselves or their thought processes.  I say rightly because that thought process has been altered by drugs and alcohol.  It takes time and work to set it right.  Doing the steps the first time around is really about making amends to ourselves.  There is a reason the god's will thing doesn't come up until the 11th step.

Fortunately, by then, self trust has begun to return, and the concept of an inner god that we are one with can then be considered.

So, if you are uncomfortable with the concept of god's will, consider that the solution is one of two things:  do the process of working the steps at a deeper level, or.....find a new god, like it encourages us to do in the 11th step.


It is the day after winter solstice.  Until summer solstice in June, each day will last a couple of minutes longer.  This planetary adjustment makes it seem like the days get brighter, and maybe they do.

It is also the end of the year, that time when many of us begin to review the year just past, and look forward to what is to come in the following year.

Twelve step folks generally like to say that we do the footwork and leave the results up to God, but I think we have more power than that.  Remember that power we gave up in the first step?  We get it back in the tenth step.  The original steps and the original process of working the steps as described in the Alcoholics Anonymous textbook were written for those folks who had no access to anyone who could teach them the process.  The book was intended to stand alone as a sufficient way to introduce people to the power and beauty of the program.  It was written for newcomers.  There is nothing in the literature that says steps 1, 2 and 3 are done over and over again everyday as a lifestyle.  That is an initial way into a new way of living.

There is, however, lots of advice about doing 10 and 11 every day. This is where we were meant to live:  in a place of power gleaned from a daily practice of introspection and connection with a god of our understanding.  It's pretty simple really:  go within....every day.  Get in touch with the fears that are activated and causing behavior that doesn't serve, and replace those fears with faith and change the behavior.  And meditate to connect with that Great Reality deep within.  Then affirm (pray).

This place, this place of living in 10 and 11, is what I call the place of beauty and joy.

It hurts my heart to see people who think that just stopping the addiction is recovery.  It isn't.  That's just the beginning.  It hurts to see people constantly fighting their addiction, always having to be on guard, always denying themselves what they really want, always saying to themselves, "I should not do that."  That isn't what this program is about.  It is about turning away from the addiction and into a new way of living, so that there is no more struggle.  The substance is not even an issue any longer.  It just goes away and there is no desire to consume it.   And that desire to consume a harmful substance is replaced with a desire to live a more satisfying life.

New Thought folks (and those who call themselves atheist and agnostic) like to protest against the christian language used in the program.  Consider this:  back when the steps were originally written, they really had no other way to speak of these things.  There was no such thing as "spiritual but not religious."  There was no language for that.  There was just religion.  This is not a christian program, and if the language bothers you, and you are having a tough time in recovery, you may want to consider that being bothered by the language is simply a barrier that your ego has put up to prevent you from changing.  That's the ego's job:  to prevent change, because change is scary.  And it does it's job very well.  But if you are living an unsatisfactory life, then perhaps some change is needed.  And such change always begins within, with our thoughts.

This New Year can be a time to change our thinking, especially if there are things in our lives we see as negative.  It all begins with our thoughts.  So....change your thinking, change your life!


I wrote my book because I have experienced the power of the 12 steps and I have witnessed too many people deny themselves that power.  And because I want everyone to experience the absolute freedom and happiness that can be experienced in recovery.  Recovery does not have to be a struggle.  In fact, I believe it should NOT be a struggle.  These steps are the way to move from struggle to rest.  From lack and limitation to prosperity.  From fear based lives to love based lives.

These simple tools have the power to turn fear based lives into love based lives full of joy and freedom.  And yet...I know so many people who live unsatisfactory lives because they refuse to employ this power.  They say things like, "I can't get past the religion."  Or, especially in New Thought circles, "I'm not powerlesss."

I think these are self imposed obstacles.  What if...just think about it...what if you thought of the obstacle as simply something that is getting in the way of what you want or need?  Instead of embracing the obstacle and saying, "no, I won't do these steps...they are not for me because....".  You could instead say, "I will give it a try.  It can't hurt."

So...let me just address the two most common arguments I hear.

Let's take the powerless one first.  Working these steps is a process.  You get your power back in the tenth step.  And, I submit that if you are drinking when you don't want to, or eating when you don't want to, or fighting the urge to consume that substance, whatever it is...isn't that a type of powerlessness?  If you are experiencing a life that is unsatisfactory in some way, isn't that a type of powerlessness?  What's so wrong about asking for help?  Especially if that help could facilitate a movement into a life greater than you ever dreamed of?  Especially if asking for help could move you into a state of power?

Declaring powerlessness isn't an obstacle, it is a doorway.

Now...let's take the religion piece.  It is written right into the literature of every 12 step program:  it is spiritual not religious.  And yet, it talks about God.  I know.  I had the same problem when I first entered recovery.  In fact, I crossed the word God out everywhere I encountered it and replaced it with a word of my choice.  I have news:  god isn't religious.  It's just a word.  There are as many words for god as there are for the color blue.  More in fact.  All are valid.  Perhaps you have been wounded by religion.  Many of us have.  This is where the struggle with the words come from, usually.  Wouldn't you like to be healed of that struggle?  This is where New Thought comes in.

New Thought recognizes that there is great wisdom in the ancient writings.  All of them.  Not just the Bible, but also the Torah, the Koran, the Bagavad Gita, the Buddhist writings.  All of them.  Unfortunately, the wisdom is hidden because of the way the people spoke when those things were written, and the way they taught back then.  The 12 step literature is the same.  The founders of AA, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, came from an era when religion was the only way to speak about spirituality, but they were beginning to realize that there were other ways to speak to this profound wisdom.  I have evidence that Bill Wilson and Ernest Holmes, the founder of one of the biggest New Thought organizations in the world, Centers for Spiritual Living, had conversations.  I have found similar or exact phrases in the writings of both of them.  In the original text book of AA, called the big book, written by Bill Wilson (with collaboration) there is a reference to "The Great Reality deep within us."  In a book written by Ernest Holmes called How to Use It, he has the phrase, "the Great Reality within."  This is not the only time I've found examples of this.

So.  If you are living an unsatisfactory life, try this path.  I don't care why the living is so unsatisfactory.  What I care about is that it becomes so much more.  What I care about is that you are empowered to live a life beyond your wildest dreams.


I believe the language in the first step, "admitted we were powerless..." is really another way of saying we are ready for a change.

In my book I mention that when we reach this point in our lives, it means we have a quality of life that sucks.  Historically in the 12 step world, one has to reach a point of hopelessness before one is able to work that first step perfectly.  A perfect working of the first step means that one is free.  It is both an ending and a beginning.  It's an end to a sucky lifestyle, and a beginning of a way of living which is usually unknown, but....as I said to myself in my early recovery, "anything has to be better than this!"

James Hollis, in his book "What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life," says, "something in me had to die before the rest of me, the larger part, could live."

In New Thought, the teaching is that what we think manifests, and that our thoughts have power.  In what has been called a First Step Promise in the text book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it declares, "they have solved the drink problem."  And, "there is a solution."  What it is speaking to is the solution to a quality of life that sucks.  But the focus needs to be on what one would like their new life to look like, not on not wanting the old life anymore.  As James Hollis says, the old life must die.  As they say in meetings, we must give up our old playmates and playgrounds. I don't know about you, but when I want to release something, it simply does not work to tell myself I don't want it anymore.  I must instead ask myself what I do want....and focus on that.

If we want anything to change in our life, we must first be willing to give up the old way.

Unfortunately it can be extremely scary to give up a way of living when the option is to step into the unknown.  All those "what ifs" and "yeah buts" come up, and our ego, whose job is to keep us safe, steps in to talk us out of stepping into the unknown.

And....this happens not just with addiction and alcoholism, but with everything.  Ways of thinking and believing that used to serve us quite well sometimes stop serving us.  Yet we cling to those old ways in spite of them not working, because it means stepping into the unknown.

If you are experiencing unpleasantness, or a quality of life that sucks, you may want to consider that the call is to release an old way of being or thinking, and step into the new.  In my experience that has always worked extremely well.